Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
