youre lurking in front of me
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
