Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
