someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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