My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize