hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
