Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
