I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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