Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
