looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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