in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
FUCK WHALES
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