trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
