just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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