i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
