My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
