Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
