There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
