TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
