Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
