There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
