I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
