Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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