Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I love you. Go after that dick
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
