he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
