i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
