I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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