also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
