Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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