It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
