Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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