why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
