I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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