I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
