i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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