Small penises have feelings too.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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