hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
