How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
i think i just lost a toe
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
