After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
