I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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