the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
