I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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