She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
