in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
