I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
