I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
