i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
