Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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