I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
