Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize