look no pants
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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