Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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