She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
