sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
