It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
