the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
FUCK WHALES
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
