he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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