I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It's blow job season.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
