Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize