I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
