And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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