we have pet lesbian snakes
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
