Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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