Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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