So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
