How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
