the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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