Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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