i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
