hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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